I've written 4 blog posts that have not really adequately described anything I've been feeling or thinking lately. Two were spontaneously deleted by my computer so that worked out. Another one felt like I was faking it and the last one was slightly too dramatic. 5th times a charm. This will likely be random.
Nick and I LOVE Thai food. We are on a strict nutrition plan in light of recent events so Thai has not been something we have tried lately. The other night though we were both feeling rebellious. We not only went out to eat but we went to Thai food and it was glorious! The service was great the food was perfect and we got really really good fortune cookies (it's a chinese and thai cuisine restaurant hence the cookie). There's nothing like a really good fortune cookie. We didn't eat them. We weren't feeling that rebellious but we did open them. He got good luck and I got money(not real money just the prophecy of it)! We will definitely be going there again.
I recently read an article in a magazine about lying on facebook. Not in the traditional sense of words but with yours pictures! As in taking a picture of how cute your kids are frolicking through an orchard and sipping hot chocolate (without spills or stains) and posting something really cute with it; when really those were the only moments of the day that weren't chaotic and miserable. I thought it was the coolest article. She called out everyone who makes their life seem perfect, including herself. She also touched on how doing so can create a vicious cycle of jealousy and perfectionism. Jealousy you don't want. Perfection doesn't exist in anyones life, no matter how cropped and photoshopped someone's pictures are. Perpetuating this cycle keeps us from developing real relationships with people. I just loved it. I felt like I could relate to that. Today as I looked at my facebook newsfeed I saw two or three young moms asking for help to get their babies to nap. That's so brave and that's real life. This is not real life...
imagine a picture of a perfectly dressed four year old hair combed ....perfectangel#Ilovethiskid#bestmomever#bestkidsever....
Right...then two hundred people feel like crap because their four year olds are running around the house determined not to wear clothes and screaming something about airplanes, pirates and pizza.
I'm not saying saying you shouldn't post cute pictures, just that we should keep it real too. That's my rant for the day.
Finally, and possibly most importantly our beets are sprouting! I'm so proud. Hoping to get a picture of them soon but every time I think to it's already dark. Not the same.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
It Must be Sunday
I'm so excited about the feedback everyone gave from my first post. Hopefully you won't be disappointed with my very not spiritual rant in the last one Haha :) But if I want this blog to be something people can relate to then bad days and puppies must be included.
Thank you for your encouragement, concern and uplifting thoughts. Isn't it so nice to know there are people going through or who have already gone through what you're going through. Or even just people who care about you, even if they can't completely relate. I just LOVE it and I love you guys! All of you. Big Time!
Something I find myself doing: I will read someone's blog, facebook, listen to a talk they gave or a testimony they shared and never say a word about it. Yet what was said (or written) was so powerful that I remember it 10 years down the road or think of it every time I speak publicly or whatever. I hope that happens every once in a while here. That would be SO AWESOME! Wouldn't it?
That "pondering" train of thought made me think of Mary (as in Jesus Christ's Mom). There's a little scripture in Luke 2:19. Right after the birth of the Savior and the shepherds come, after all the "big stuff" happens. The shepherds leave to publish it all abroad, to maybe go be missionaries in foreign fields or something ...
But Mary kept all these things, anda pondered them in her heart.
Isn't that fascinating! What was she thinking?? We can speculate but nobody could possibly imagine what something like that would be like. What did she do with all the things that had just happened? She pondered it in her heart. So simple but so sweet. I guess I'm tying this into those moments I spoke of above when something really touches me and I put it away on my personal shelf of really cool things to remember every day.
Those are usually times when I'm really feeling like I'm lacking something important and I can't quite figure out what. Faith is on the back-burner, hope is down the sink and charity is stuffed somewhere inside my couch. But then out of nowhere someone comes and cooks up your faith, cleans out the sink to find that low and behold you once again have hope! And even though you looked under every cushion, someone goes and pulls the charity out, from right where you looked but couldn't find it. I think more often than not those who do that for me don't even know it.
The woman who taught our relief society lesson today did that for me. She had us say aloud several times "I am strong" and by the end of relief society I believed it! I really felt like I can do this life thing. You should try it. Get a group of girls together and "Say it like you mean it"...in her words (I don't know her name!). I think again of Mary, who of all people would need strength more than Mary... then I think to myself "UH ME!" That's what you all are thinking too right? That's ok you can think that because we all need that extra little help.
In conclusion... You are stronger than you think you are...and so am I :)
I thought this poem connected nicely with the thoughts of today. Poetry (along with whistling) is a lost art and I literally just started within the last year (not whistling I've been whistling all my life). It's very therapeutic and you don't have to share it with anyone but for me it communicated raw emotion in a way that formal writing can't. It's kinda scary at first but once I took on the mentality of I can't be wrong because it's mine I felt much better about it. Please enjoy :)
Poems are going to be a regular part of my blogs so get used to it. More pictures to come as well. Maybe next time I'll get one in there of the garden we just planted at Nick's parent's house!
Thank you for your encouragement, concern and uplifting thoughts. Isn't it so nice to know there are people going through or who have already gone through what you're going through. Or even just people who care about you, even if they can't completely relate. I just LOVE it and I love you guys! All of you. Big Time!
Something I find myself doing: I will read someone's blog, facebook, listen to a talk they gave or a testimony they shared and never say a word about it. Yet what was said (or written) was so powerful that I remember it 10 years down the road or think of it every time I speak publicly or whatever. I hope that happens every once in a while here. That would be SO AWESOME! Wouldn't it?
That "pondering" train of thought made me think of Mary (as in Jesus Christ's Mom). There's a little scripture in Luke 2:19. Right after the birth of the Savior and the shepherds come, after all the "big stuff" happens. The shepherds leave to publish it all abroad, to maybe go be missionaries in foreign fields or something ...
But Mary kept all these things, and
Isn't that fascinating! What was she thinking?? We can speculate but nobody could possibly imagine what something like that would be like. What did she do with all the things that had just happened? She pondered it in her heart. So simple but so sweet. I guess I'm tying this into those moments I spoke of above when something really touches me and I put it away on my personal shelf of really cool things to remember every day.
Those are usually times when I'm really feeling like I'm lacking something important and I can't quite figure out what. Faith is on the back-burner, hope is down the sink and charity is stuffed somewhere inside my couch. But then out of nowhere someone comes and cooks up your faith, cleans out the sink to find that low and behold you once again have hope! And even though you looked under every cushion, someone goes and pulls the charity out, from right where you looked but couldn't find it. I think more often than not those who do that for me don't even know it.
The woman who taught our relief society lesson today did that for me. She had us say aloud several times "I am strong" and by the end of relief society I believed it! I really felt like I can do this life thing. You should try it. Get a group of girls together and "Say it like you mean it"...in her words (I don't know her name!). I think again of Mary, who of all people would need strength more than Mary... then I think to myself "UH ME!" That's what you all are thinking too right? That's ok you can think that because we all need that extra little help.
In conclusion... You are stronger than you think you are...and so am I :)
I thought this poem connected nicely with the thoughts of today. Poetry (along with whistling) is a lost art and I literally just started within the last year (not whistling I've been whistling all my life). It's very therapeutic and you don't have to share it with anyone but for me it communicated raw emotion in a way that formal writing can't. It's kinda scary at first but once I took on the mentality of I can't be wrong because it's mine I felt much better about it. Please enjoy :)
The Master’s Call
Again I fall, my hopes shine dim
When will it stop? This endless wind
My heart finds place to rest and hide
While hells mouth gapes open wide
The darkest powers around me know
Distraught and fear begin to grow.
One morning ray finds a path
Through the foes dreaded wrath
“Come one come all the way is straight,
Come enter at the narrow gate!”
Joy replaces fear once full
I will answer the Masters Call
In perfect love I find my way
Through darkest night to brightest day
My dearest friends invite me in
Inquiring after where I’ve been
A stranger, foe, and friend once more
Through hells gate I passed I’m sure
Past a stone that took my joy
Still all my efforts I employed
To finally come back to his gates
To be welcomed with the noble great
It matters not how far I strayed
For in due time I found my way
Poems are going to be a regular part of my blogs so get used to it. More pictures to come as well. Maybe next time I'll get one in there of the garden we just planted at Nick's parent's house!
Big Plans
This post was written a Thursday I believe. Really rough day. Just glad it's over.
Thursday Post
As you now know Nick has had some health problems lately but to make things more interesting I have been having health issues as well. I really started noticing it a year ago. So I went to the doctor, nothing. It's was getting worse with more symptoms so I go to the doctor take blood tests...nothing. Then more symptoms, more blood tests, nothing.
Over the lat few months Nick and I have put a lot of time into trying to figure out but mostly trying to fix whatever has been going on. My Mother-in-law Nancy has dealt with similar issue with their daughters health so she's been incredibly helpful. I'm taking some health supplements that have boosted my immune system over the last week.
Tuesday was a pivotal night because it was the first night in years that my body successfully went to sleep at a normal hour (on it's own) then woke up at a normal hour (on its own). I felt great all morning and even all day. We were so stoked. The whole day I was mentally celebrating the success. Then today happened. Golly, what a wreck. Some people like to console their woes with food. Unfortunately foods seem to be one of my problems. LAME!
To top it off I had to talk to the grouchiest people at Kaiser, all in vain. I can't tell you how many times I used the word incompetent that day. FYI supposedly where they take your blood tests at Kaiser "they don't have phones" .... Don't ask. I might fly off the handle with that one.
Today's Post
I debated on posting this because it was mostly me complaining and wasn't super positive. To be honest I wasn't feeling super positive...at all. It was a hard day for me. I had big plans for Thursday! At least big for what I'd been feeling like lately.
Not to mention that Thursdays are my favorite day of the week. Nick and I have started a little tradition we call Friday Eve. For me, the anticipation leading up to Friday usually ended up in disappointment so somehow Thursdays became my favorite day of the week. You're not quite out of energy from the work week, there aren't half as many people in restaurants and it comes quicker than Friday. That was basically a really long tangent to help illustrate how very much I like my Thursdays. To have it ruined by not feeling well was quite a let down.
If all this had happened on a wednesday I would have probably been patient. On a Friday I would think "Oh well, Fridays can be temperamental like that" but for some reason my brain can't fathom something like that happening on a Thursday. That was the completely irrational thought process I went through all day. Some of you are judging me right now but you have weird things too. So, shame on you. :)
Last thought on this thrilling topic. Paired with my mourning for Friday Eve I kept thinking, "I wish I had a puppy or a kitten right now". Or even a bunch of them. Just for the day. I'm allergic to both so having them longer wouldn't have helped anything much but just for a a day would be nice. Right?
Since I'm on the topic of dogs... I've read several books lately that had a dog as a significant character. Oh geez. I tend to cry while reading books but throw a dog in there and I lose it. Like Anne of Green Gables Book 8. I won't ruin it for you if you haven't read it but the dog was by far the highlight of that book. And I'm not one of the people who really loves dog books or dogs in general for that matter but funny enough I wrote a poem about a dog too. Well it was more-so about our crazy neighbor that was smoking weed all the time but she had a dog that I felt really bad for. Poor dog living in a studio apartment getting hot boxed every day. So sad.
Thursday Post
As you now know Nick has had some health problems lately but to make things more interesting I have been having health issues as well. I really started noticing it a year ago. So I went to the doctor, nothing. It's was getting worse with more symptoms so I go to the doctor take blood tests...nothing. Then more symptoms, more blood tests, nothing.
Over the lat few months Nick and I have put a lot of time into trying to figure out but mostly trying to fix whatever has been going on. My Mother-in-law Nancy has dealt with similar issue with their daughters health so she's been incredibly helpful. I'm taking some health supplements that have boosted my immune system over the last week.
Tuesday was a pivotal night because it was the first night in years that my body successfully went to sleep at a normal hour (on it's own) then woke up at a normal hour (on its own). I felt great all morning and even all day. We were so stoked. The whole day I was mentally celebrating the success. Then today happened. Golly, what a wreck. Some people like to console their woes with food. Unfortunately foods seem to be one of my problems. LAME!
To top it off I had to talk to the grouchiest people at Kaiser, all in vain. I can't tell you how many times I used the word incompetent that day. FYI supposedly where they take your blood tests at Kaiser "they don't have phones" .... Don't ask. I might fly off the handle with that one.
Today's Post
I debated on posting this because it was mostly me complaining and wasn't super positive. To be honest I wasn't feeling super positive...at all. It was a hard day for me. I had big plans for Thursday! At least big for what I'd been feeling like lately.
Not to mention that Thursdays are my favorite day of the week. Nick and I have started a little tradition we call Friday Eve. For me, the anticipation leading up to Friday usually ended up in disappointment so somehow Thursdays became my favorite day of the week. You're not quite out of energy from the work week, there aren't half as many people in restaurants and it comes quicker than Friday. That was basically a really long tangent to help illustrate how very much I like my Thursdays. To have it ruined by not feeling well was quite a let down.
If all this had happened on a wednesday I would have probably been patient. On a Friday I would think "Oh well, Fridays can be temperamental like that" but for some reason my brain can't fathom something like that happening on a Thursday. That was the completely irrational thought process I went through all day. Some of you are judging me right now but you have weird things too. So, shame on you. :)
Last thought on this thrilling topic. Paired with my mourning for Friday Eve I kept thinking, "I wish I had a puppy or a kitten right now". Or even a bunch of them. Just for the day. I'm allergic to both so having them longer wouldn't have helped anything much but just for a a day would be nice. Right?
Since I'm on the topic of dogs... I've read several books lately that had a dog as a significant character. Oh geez. I tend to cry while reading books but throw a dog in there and I lose it. Like Anne of Green Gables Book 8. I won't ruin it for you if you haven't read it but the dog was by far the highlight of that book. And I'm not one of the people who really loves dog books or dogs in general for that matter but funny enough I wrote a poem about a dog too. Well it was more-so about our crazy neighbor that was smoking weed all the time but she had a dog that I felt really bad for. Poor dog living in a studio apartment getting hot boxed every day. So sad.
The Nameless Dog
Our neighbors dog we often see
In hidden view from parlor screen
He trods down, our cement way
With no others, for him to play
No grass or toys or slipper shoes
For him to sneak and take a chew
This poor fellow in stuck in inside
His owners home of weeds and pride
When she’s evicted or put in jail
Where will our friendly fellow hail?
To our door he tries to come
Perhaps to find a loving home
But then again the nag a hollers
And truest true he still follows
Does our friend see more than we
Is she not what we believe?
To our question we may not know
T’is for the faithful follow’r to bestow
We only hope that our nameless one
Will still be well when the day is done
If you were wondering I found out that the dogs name is Christopher. And I never in a million years would have thought I'd write poetry let alone anything about a dog.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
In Sickness and In Health
There are a number of reasons I decided to start a blog. I've always enjoyed writing, I really wanted to share some of my thoughts with the people I care about, which are many. I wanted a opportunity to share some of the joys and not-so-joys in my life. Not in the bragging or complaining sort of way but more in a hope that what I say can make a difference to someone. But... there is no possible way I can reach out to each and every one of them. Hence a blog.
So please Enjoy!
Nick and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary this Sunday January 26th. The day before we celebrated by taking the train to oceanside, ate at a marginal restaurant and played Jenga (I won...I can say that because this is my blog if he thinks he won he can write his own blog). It was so peaceful and relaxing to just ride the train, play some Jenga, and eat some healthy, but not 5 star food. But before I delve into that I will give you somewhat of a preface.
I am the last of all my siblings, almost all my cousins, and pretty sure the last of many friends from college to get married. I heard a lot of things scary and great about getting married. I watched a lot of people around me suffer in marriage. Marriage seemed like such an unpredictable volatile thing. Unpredictable, as in anybody can get divorced at any second because of anything. I'm happy to say I do not believe that anymore. Here's why.
Being married was an adjustment for me as it probably is for most. Even after we were married I worried about every miniscule detail. What if we stop loving each other? what if every meal I make stinks?, what if we can't pay rent next year?, what if, what if, what if??? Poor Nick, Right?! Well it just so happens that the only "what if...?" I didn't think about happened! Nick got really sick, had to go to the ER and was hospitalized for 3 days. Maybe that's normal for some people but for healthy active 25 and 26 year old newlyweds that was the last thing in my bucket of worries. It was a nightmare to say the least.
Many wonderful things have come from this but I'll share just a few of the initial miracles that we saw.
1. We were at his parents when it started such a blessing to have their support. I have no idea what I would have done on my own.
2. His Dad had a doctors appointment scheduled 8am the next morning that Nick was able to take which led us to take him to the ER
3. One of Nick's best friends was working in the ER when Nick was admitted and was scheduled to work the whole night. This was not a regular shift for him.
4. To our knowledge Nick didn't have insurance. He had signed up for it but didn't receive confirmation. After some research we found out he had been approved the day before he was admitted to the ER and it will be covered.
5. Nurse Beth let me sleep on the hospital bed next to him the first night there. Apparently if you do that they charge you. What an angel. All you nurses out there don't judge...I was a very very scared little wife.
6. Even with missing a week and a half of work somehow things worked out with different projects at work and it was as though nothing happened.
Let me tell you God has a very detailed plan! Those things must have taken months to orchestrate so that Nick and I would be in the right place and know that we are not alone in something very difficult for both of us. That night as I slept in the hospital bed next to my newlywed husband who was in so much pain for which I could do nothing, I learned a lot about faith.
I heard a lot about compatability, chemistry, likes/dislikes-which are all good and important but for me it's faith. Faith in God. If he can navigate people through seas (children of israel, Bible, read it) he can navigate me through a marriage safely. Faith in yourself: that you can really do it and you can, because if I can, you can. Then Finally, Faith in just one other person-your spouse, you just gotta find one person...easy right? Maybe not completely but its a whole lot easier to remember Faith than your compatibility score, Color Code colors, and 5 love languages. [I have done/read all of those and I highly recommend them but I think faith works quicker and better. I think they would all agree and if they don't, hey it's a free country!]
Please feel free to comment or share your thoughts. I'd love to hear some feedback on other peoples experiences or lack thereof. Until next time...
So please Enjoy!
Nick and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary this Sunday January 26th. The day before we celebrated by taking the train to oceanside, ate at a marginal restaurant and played Jenga (I won...I can say that because this is my blog if he thinks he won he can write his own blog). It was so peaceful and relaxing to just ride the train, play some Jenga, and eat some healthy, but not 5 star food. But before I delve into that I will give you somewhat of a preface.
I am the last of all my siblings, almost all my cousins, and pretty sure the last of many friends from college to get married. I heard a lot of things scary and great about getting married. I watched a lot of people around me suffer in marriage. Marriage seemed like such an unpredictable volatile thing. Unpredictable, as in anybody can get divorced at any second because of anything. I'm happy to say I do not believe that anymore. Here's why.
Being married was an adjustment for me as it probably is for most. Even after we were married I worried about every miniscule detail. What if we stop loving each other? what if every meal I make stinks?, what if we can't pay rent next year?, what if, what if, what if??? Poor Nick, Right?! Well it just so happens that the only "what if...?" I didn't think about happened! Nick got really sick, had to go to the ER and was hospitalized for 3 days. Maybe that's normal for some people but for healthy active 25 and 26 year old newlyweds that was the last thing in my bucket of worries. It was a nightmare to say the least.
Many wonderful things have come from this but I'll share just a few of the initial miracles that we saw.
1. We were at his parents when it started such a blessing to have their support. I have no idea what I would have done on my own.
2. His Dad had a doctors appointment scheduled 8am the next morning that Nick was able to take which led us to take him to the ER
3. One of Nick's best friends was working in the ER when Nick was admitted and was scheduled to work the whole night. This was not a regular shift for him.
4. To our knowledge Nick didn't have insurance. He had signed up for it but didn't receive confirmation. After some research we found out he had been approved the day before he was admitted to the ER and it will be covered.
5. Nurse Beth let me sleep on the hospital bed next to him the first night there. Apparently if you do that they charge you. What an angel. All you nurses out there don't judge...I was a very very scared little wife.
6. Even with missing a week and a half of work somehow things worked out with different projects at work and it was as though nothing happened.
Let me tell you God has a very detailed plan! Those things must have taken months to orchestrate so that Nick and I would be in the right place and know that we are not alone in something very difficult for both of us. That night as I slept in the hospital bed next to my newlywed husband who was in so much pain for which I could do nothing, I learned a lot about faith.
I heard a lot about compatability, chemistry, likes/dislikes-which are all good and important but for me it's faith. Faith in God. If he can navigate people through seas (children of israel, Bible, read it) he can navigate me through a marriage safely. Faith in yourself: that you can really do it and you can, because if I can, you can. Then Finally, Faith in just one other person-your spouse, you just gotta find one person...easy right? Maybe not completely but its a whole lot easier to remember Faith than your compatibility score, Color Code colors, and 5 love languages. [I have done/read all of those and I highly recommend them but I think faith works quicker and better. I think they would all agree and if they don't, hey it's a free country!]
Please feel free to comment or share your thoughts. I'd love to hear some feedback on other peoples experiences or lack thereof. Until next time...
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